It’s Friday afternoon, I’m surrounded by the ever so uplifting colors of my cube (that’s sarcasm people), and as usual I’m quite bored. So, I have few options at my finger tips to combat this until I can punch the clock once again at the end of the day.
1. surf the internet
2. write for the The Simple Strife
3. reminisce of my rather humorous work environment
Check, check, and check! This should at least keep me entertained until my next mind numbing conference call.
Here’s a little history to wet your appetite.
As you’ve probably guessed, I work in corporate America. I don’t say that in an affectionate, proud manner…like you would if you worked for the Humane Society, or the Cancer Foundation. No, it’s more like “I work for corporate America, and I might as well be dumping toxic chemicals in my backyard under cover of night” kind of response.
But for some reason this place just attracts the BIGGEST wieners. I’m convinced there’s a giant magnet atop the building that only Ivy League wieners are drawn to. And then they get here and feel the need to metaphorically pull their wiener out and lay it on the table, as if to say “hey, my wiener is big because I went to {insert Ivy League school here}” And after 6 months, the following is typically heard “hey, my wiener is so big that I need an office in order to store it.”
It really is an interesting case study.
For a period of time I thought to myself (as I often do) that maybe I was a bit pre-judgmental, maybe a little jealous at the fact they hailed from such prestigious schools and had such wonderful pedigrees. Then I talked to one. And then two. And finally three. Yes, I talked to three of them, and although not statistically significant, I suspect my opinion is a leading indicator of the level of wiener-dom that exists throughout the Ivy League population – at least where I work.
I’m probably being a bit harsh, but if you heard some of the stories and the condescending nature of these wieners, you’d hop on the next train out of turd town...or you would start writing it all down (like I'm doing)
To be continued…
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
You have inspired me this afternoon
I just made a Harvard diploma on my computer signed it in crayon and am sitting in my cube with my junk out. This is the best Friday ever.
Although it is kind of hard to pull off a Harvard diploma with a community college wiener but hey I am going to give it my best shot.
How is this for smart?
(T)- 1500 = H
Where T is current time in military time.
H is Happy Hour (3:00 2for1's)
You want the closed time to 0 Right? Check my math...
I applaud your efforts this afternoon to aspire to the Harvard standards. You might just make a fine Harvard Man after all.
Your mathematical wizardry is second to none.
shit, it's already 3:10.
This makes me once again extrememly thankful that I was able to escape corporate america. And you're right, they're weiners.
Post a Comment