"It's Over So Fast"

One of my biggest problems with dating is that I don't know when to call it quits. I mean, sometimes there are the most obvious signs indicating that I should cut my losses, and I see them, note them, and then promptly pretend I did not just see them and then note them. Brilliant, really.

Well, here's a doozy: So I'm on a 3rd date with this guy and he takes me to the Olive Garden (and no, that's not the sign, although maybe it should've been). We're enjoying our dinner when suddenly the topic of conversation turns to sex (this was probably my doing, but whatever). The gentlemen in question was rather religious and did not believe in pre-marital sex. He was in his thirties and had been married and divorced, which means he had had exactly one partner. ONE. In his thirties. Okay. So now that we're clear on that, I'd like to share with you the conversation as I recall it:

Him: You know, I don't see what the big deal about sex is anyway.

Me: Oh?

Him: Yeah, I mean, sure it's nice, but it's over so fast!

Me: [Trying not to choke on fettucini. Trying not to laugh extremely loudly and spit fettucini all over table.]

Him: Oh jeez...please don't tell me "well I've had sex with guys for hours and hours". I mean....it's always over kind of quickly, right?

Me: [In shock. Trying desperately not to laugh out loud. Drinking wine. Lots and lots of wine.]

I don't really remember what, if anything, I said after this. I mean - "IT'S OVER SO FAST"???

Needless to say, I never stuck around to find out if it would be "over so fast". I think if a guy says that to you, he is basically saying "I am super, super terrible at sex. Like, really bad." WALK AWAY. CALL IT QUITS. RUN. I totally did that. 3 weeks later. What? I said I didn't know when to bail! Don't look at me like that.

Anyone care to speculate why that marriage ended in divorce? I'm just sayin'.